Never Leave Your Wingman: A Summer of Sin and Debauchery

By: garry hill

I remember it well. It was Halloween night about 5 years ago in Newport Beach. It was the night that made our summer the most memorable summer in history. Me and about 7 friends decided to buy tickets to the tiki boat booze cruz. The tiki Boat is an all you can drink for $35, 3 hour tour of debauchery. I had never been on it before butI have heard great stories. Most of these stories had girls in them and that was fine with me.

All seven of us piled in one truck and made our way down to the pier where the boat was set to leave shore around 7PM. We of course thought it was a good idea to have a few pre-cruz brews to take the edge off, so we were already buzzed by shove off. The boat was much smaller than I had imagined, probably only 28 ft long and two stories. There were people already in line to get on the little dingy, including lots of girls. Most people were dressed down wearing t-shirts and shorts not Halloween costumes. This was fine with me since I had only put on a funny tee I got on-line a brownturtle.

After a few minutes of waiting for take off the boat pulled away from the dock and began its 3 hour booze cruz. We all immediately started slamming multiple beers and an occasional mixed drink. We made our way down to the first level where there was a dance floor in the center. To my amazement there were about 7 beautiful blond girls holding hands, dancing and yelling in sexy t-shirts and shorts. We all immediately stumbled our way towards them. After some slurred conversation it became apparent that these girls were from out of town, way out. They were from Sweden, and they were all nannies. I guess there is a ton of hot nannies in Orange County here to baby-sit rich people's kids.

My cousin Jimmy, who was the most drunk, by far, seemed to hit it off with one of the nannies. The rest of us had not gotten anywhere and were now reduced to watching Jimmy make an ass out of himself. He was doing that dancing and talking at the same time dork march, you've seen it before. I could not believe it but his nannie was really into him and totally on his routine. As the boat started to pull back up to the dock Jimmy decided to make a move to close the deal. He went in for the kiss and nannie girl obliged him with a wet one back. We all looked on and yelled in approval. All of a sudden she pulled away and revealed a spray of green puke. It spilled out of her and his mouth, mostly his.

He had puked inside her mouth in mid-kiss. Wow this was the most badass thing I had ever seen. Now I knew it was my duty to make her feel everything would be ok. Jimmy was my guy and I never leave my wingman. I took the nannie in my arms and offer her a clean drink to wash out the fresh puke. Her friends thought the tender move was sweet and decided it was ok and everyone started laughing. Since the nannie was covered in projectile, I offer her my funny t-shirt in exchange for their numbers. She offered one better and invited all of us to their mansion were they were house sitting for the summer. As you may have guessed I ended up topless and smiling.

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