Instructions used for the Ladies Sociable insight into the brain of your gentleman

By: Chris Nichols

At the moment, I thought I'd write a tiny something for the ladies. A guide, if you will, on what us guys think. It might presently assist you keep away from a nasty argument with your guy.

To begin with, the jokes you take notice of concerning guys being dumb jocks who only care about masculinity, beer and TV (and the sports competition on TV) are right. We've been trying to tell you for years, although you persist in laughing. It's reality. Get above it. We know you females take relief in owning artificial quantities of garments and shopping for no fine motive, and we've tried our finest to come to grips with it. By the same token, you must to recognize that we guys are just a tad closer to our Neanderthal brethren than you'd like. We're simple: exertion (if at all possible by way of manly tools), beer, pizza, beer, game, sex (or more game and beer, if that’s not in the cards), snooze, wash and do again.

Here are some hints to help you deal with us and our antediluvian ways:

* Correspond plainly. If you say it's fair that I watch the game, my brain just turned off. Don’t try to suggest that it's not OK. Just tell us what you want us to do. We're usually glad to accommodate (as we are trying to place ourselves for the sex part of the day). We may give you a second possibility, by way of a quick, "Are you sure?" But that’s it. Don’t expect a third chance. True, we probably know you meant no, although it's just not worth the effort to figure out if your yes meant "sure," your "uh-huh" meant, "Are you kidding? Of course not!" or something in between.

* Give back. Think of Pavlov's experiments? We are similar to dogs. Repay us when we do something you love (chick flick, flowers, bake you dinner, take you shopping, offer you the credit card to go shopping without us, etc.) and we'll be more probable to do it again. A little hanky-panky, authorization to go out with the guys or a frigid mug will go a long way.

* Before I go, since we are from Mars and all, no, we really don’t appreciate why it takes two hours to get ready. Expect our impatience. Get on track early. You know it's going to take you 45 minutes to alter your outfit three times. Build it into the calendar. In the event that you forget, turn on the game, get us a beer (or two, depending on how far behind schedule you are) and tell us to sit tight. We'll not recall we were even planning on that dinner and a movie. Just take in that if this drags on too long, we cannot be held responsible for drinking all the beer in the fridge and any unfortunate behavior that follows.

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