How do you deal with confrontational people?

By: Dr. Jennifer B. Lagrotte, DMFT

For many, dealing with confrontational people may not be something they have to deal with very often. For others, confrontational people may just seem to follow them everywhere. Whether it is at school or at work, there are many who are trying to go through their lives without becoming the target for someone else's wrath. This particular article is going to deal with those who seem to attract this kind of behavior. The victim here is not someone who is confrontational with others, in fact, these are people who often wish to be left alone to live their lives and/or try their best to get along with just about anyone.

The automatic reaction for many who become the target for others, who seem to pick fights or arguments with them, is to avoid that person at all cost. This, of course, can be quite difficult to do, especially if they share a school or are in the same workplace. Some will become less social and hope that they can be as unnoticeable as possible, while others start to question why they are the focus of such treatment. Many will stop and ask themselves what it could possibly be that they are doing to annoy this person. Perhaps they are the ones who are doing something wrong, have said something wrong or are, in some way, asking for this kind of treatment. In most cases, looking at one's self is not the answer, so placing the blame there does not help. One has to start asking what the issue is with the other person. It could be that they are jealous over their target's achievements, or maybe they are just simply irritated by them but are unsure as to why. They might not even bother asking the question of why, because they become too focused on picking fights with that individual. It could also be that the person feels they get a reaction out of their victim; a reaction that they take enjoyment out of. For whatever reason, this person may like to inflict social or mental pain on another, because it makes them feel better about themselves. In the end, in this situation, there is no real reason other than the pleasure they seem to get out of it.

It is not uncommon for one in this situation to become frustrated with the person causing them discomfort in their school or workplace. As this continues to go on, the person may start to feel insecure and a little unsure of themselves. They may start to question whether there is good reason for the treatment they are receiving. When unsure of how to deal with a situation like this, one should consider consulting and online therapist or online counselor. The online counseling can help this person in two ways; one being that they may see that there is nothing about themselves that they should be feeling insecure about, and the other being that it is likely that the other person likes to pick fights because they want attention from them. Sometimes a person who seems to be confrontational all the time behaves this way because they are not sure how to take someone; unsure of how to act or behave around this person. It could also be that they find something about this person that annoys them, but it is likely their issue, not their victim's.

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Dr. Jennifer Lagrotte, DMFT is the owner of which offers a variety of online counseling services. If you would like to know more about Jennifer or any of our online therapists, visit our website.

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