Encouraging Myself in Parenting My Teenager

By: Kim Frederickson

A crucial part of parenting teenagers is developing the ability to tell yourself encouraging statements about yourself and your teenager. By learning to ďcoachĒ yourself through the ups and downs of your teens moods and behaviors, youíll be able to remain stable rather than ride your teens emotional rollercoaster. Itís often a challenge in the moment to not react to your teen out of anger and fear. Repeat these statements to yourself everyday.

  • Itís OK, this is a stage of his growth. Itís normal for my teen to be emotional, impulsive, and need time to grow in these areas

  • Take a deep breath, slow down, I can do this. One step at a time

  • God, please give me your strength, your compassion, your perspective, your love and acceptance for my teen

  • Remember, he/she needs to push away from me in order to gain her own sense of self

  • This feels so personal, but itís notÖIn order to separate, he needs to separate from me. When it happens, it isnít smooth

  • Him taking time in his room is most likely his way of thinking through all thatís going on inside. Itís not a rejection of me

  • I will still make attempts to connect, even if they are rebuffed. They are going in, even if I canít see it now

  • My teen is going through a lotÖstress, changes, pain, and confusion. I need to notice this and have it count, not dismiss it and expect her to be OK even if her world is falling apart (or shaken, changing, etc)

  • Itís OK if I donít understand everything, or know what to do. I am learning too

  • My teen and I are worth the effort, and so is our relationship

  • Iím on the right road. Keep going. I donít have to do this alone. Iíll call a friend for a listening ear and prayer

  • God will bless my efforts as I lean on Him for strength, courage and understanding

  • He/She will eventually become an adult, with brighter times ahead

  • As hard as this is, God is using it to grow me up on the inside

  • Remember, my teenís brain is not fully developed. His ability to think through things, plan, and delay his impulses isnít mature yet -- but it will be eventually!

  • Remember to keep the big picture in mindÖmy long-term relationship with my teen. I want him/her to visit me in the futureÖgrandkids - good relationship.

  • Itís my job to keep myself under control emotionally, even if my teen is out of controlÖremember, one of us has to be an adultÖitís me!

  • Itís OK to give myself time to think through how I want to handle this -- Iíll get back to him later about consequences.

  • A big part of getting through these teen years is making sure Iím taking care of myself. Iím going to make sure I get enough rest, exercise, good nutrition, and time with friends.

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Kim Fredrickson, M.S., Marriage and Family Therapist (CA MFC 22635) and Life, Parent, and Relationship Coach is the author of many popular CDís and articles that will help you build Encouraging Relationships in your life. To learn more about Kim and sign up for more FREE Relationships Tips, visit her site at www.EncouragingRelationships.com. Youíre welcome to ďreprintĒ this article online as long as it remains complete and unaltered.

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