You Smell Bad

By: Mike Durand


Can we talk? There is something I need to tell you, and that is that you smell bad. You smell bad in the morning. You smell bad in the afternoon. You smell bad in the evening. Your breath is a cross between a bad toilet and a garbage can. I am sorry to say, but this is really true.

Maybe you do not notice this. And you are walking around thinking you look nice. You lost a little weight. You have a good haircut finally. Your clothes look nice. You are driving a hip car. Your bank account is full; your house is beautiful. You are thinking to yourself what more could I ask for? Well are you?

But here is the thing. A lot of people and that means A LOT, are thinking none of these things when they think of you. They are thinking you smell bad. Really bad and for you that is really not good, they are not seeing the flash car, they are not seeing the new hair cut or the weight loss, all they see is that person who smells really badly, yes that person is you.

If you are lucky, then they are considering an intervention, maybe. If they are in close quarters with you then they are seriously considering this. But maybe things are worse than that. Maybe they are thinking they do not want to be in close quarters with you anymore. You have to get this: You are very un-kissable. It some cases, you are virtually un-kissable. You are un-huggable. Driving with you in a closed car is no fun either, breathing in the stench and not being able to do anything about it. Sitting next to you in a theater is a chore. That, over the course of a lifetime, can be quite a problem and lets face it if you don do not know it is there, you will not be looking for a solution, will you?

Maybe you do know this. Maybe you are trying to take definitive measures to stem the problem. You are popping mints every time you put out a cigarette, or maybe you take a hit of mouthwash five or six times a day. We need to talk, because the thing is, the mints are not doing any good. They mints do very little to take away the smell of tobacco. In fact the result is even more nauseating, its just Mint-Marlboro, and it is not pleasant.

Also, the smell is not just on your breath. It is on your clothes and it is in your hair, and on your hands and on your skin. So unless you plan on taking a steam bath each time you smoke (with your clothes on) then you are going to smell like this forever. That is depressing.

Do you honestly want to be thought of as a pigpen? Someone who walks around with a cloud, someone that will smell forever? Well do you?

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