Would You Marry Someone with Bipolar Disorder?

By: Richard Kuhns


Would you marry a man or woman with untreated bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder is characterized by mental highs and lows. For some sufferers, the highs and lows can last for months. For others, it's relative in that the highs can last for hours and the lows can last for hours.

Dating a bipolar individual can be either like:
1. A roller coaster full of unexplained anger and disagreements in which case it's important to realize that the relationship is basically doomed unless there is an intervention of treatment for bipolar personality.

2. Lots of fun--but read on for important cautions.

This article is about lots of fun. I'm not being sarcastic. Bipolar personalities are incredibly fun to be with, creative, and know how to make you feel like a million bucks. Many things that you hated in the past (like shopping) become fun. The manic depressive personality can be very spontaneous-flirting and kissing in public. They can't get enough of you and you can't get enough of them.

They will tell you over and over that you are their savior and you wonder why this incredible person hasn't already found the love of his/her life. And you are thanking your lucky stars for the relationship. There is an irony though, they actually have little or no self worth. They build and improve their self worth on their relationship with you. And even a stranger irony is that you too might easily build and improve your self worth based on having this relationship.

The manic depressive bipolar personality is vivacious, beautiful or handsome, energetic, and you feel like you won the instant lottery when it comes to relationship. They are very thoughtful, bring you wonderful presents and you're sure they are the masters at thoughtfulness. This is all the upside--the manic side.

Early in the relationship there's very little that you can find that's wrong with the relationship. They are very accommodating and it's OK for you to be the boss. Whatever you say goes. The manic depressive enjoys doing things with you and you languish the feeling of being “needed.” If you're sexually active, they make you feel like a million bucks with all the sex you can handle. They are your “other half” as opposed to being a person of the opposite sex, and they are as "hot to trot," as you are. It seems that neither of you can get enough of each other. You may find yourselves somewhat daring to the point of even taking risks of getting caught (by parents or children) having sex.

Send the children away for the weekend and you'll be having sex in different rooms of the house, different beds, or in the back yard under the moon light.

The bipolar personality generally isn't intrusive and they let you know that they are simply grateful for any time you spend with them. Falling in love with them is very easy and the thought of marriage come naturally. It looks like you are the luckiest person in the world and that it will never end since you are truly appreciative for this wonderful being sharing his or her life with you. It can only be a win-win situation.

It's difficult to to be objective with all this incredible energy in courting. Even though there's an disconcerting occasional loss of temper with his/her children, he/she seems like the perfect match. For you the temper flare is limited to someone else and he/she acknowledges that it was an over reaction. They will justify the upset they feel with the child/children and by the same token feel remorse for their outburst which may include physical abuse. They will tell you that the child/children know how to push their buttons and that they do it willfully. In the case of no children being involved, the anger will be directed to another family member.

Drugs and alcohol may only be a small concern. They may partake of illegal drugs or alcohol, but it is in more of a social way and there's no obvious evidence of it as being a problem.

Naturally, you want to see the best in them, so you will generally overlook this behavior and desire to help them get beyond having their buttons pushed. You feel that with all they have given you in this relationship, the least you can do is help as much as you can. And you might even have a thought that you hope you can be instrumental in helping him/her before that kind of anger should ever be turned onto you. And even though you have that kind of thought, you still believe you'll somehow be immune since the individual has such high regard for you.

Generally the manic depressive (bipolar disorder) is a very responsible person. They are not late for appointments and may be very well accomplished or somewhat successful.

Some are very fastidious in keeping their surroundings clean and organized--house and office immaculate.

So what's the problem for all in all, except for occasional disruption of temper with other family members, you have an ideal relationship?

There is a possibility that you did hit the instant million dollar lottery of relationship. But look for several factors before you leap into a marriage commitment.
Look for:
1. A father or mother that had or has a problem with alcohol or drugs.
2. Physical abuse in child hood.
3. An earlier traumatic event such as being abandoned by lover while pregnant and making plans for marriage.
4. A father or mother that has suffered from depression-especially bipolar depression.
5. Abandonment Issues

If any of the above exist, you'll want to awaken from your relationship stupor and ask yourself some serious questions about the relationship. Is this too good to be true? Might your desire to be helpful be clouding your view of the relationship? It is clearly insane to continue on towards marriage until you understand more about bipolar personalities. Understanding bipolar disorder may provide you answers to the question of what to expect after marriage.

Once married or committed to a bipolar personality, your life can turn into the direct opposite of what you've known so far. It's often like a curtain comes down in the relationship. This wonderful person, when he/she hits the depressive state, might withhold
affection, communication, and even may end up ranting and raving either at you or someone else in the immediate family. You'll be on your way to having the police frequently visiting your home to calm down the fire--physical abuse--of the relationship. And you might be even wondering if you're part to blame. You might even wonder if he/she is the same person you were dating or if he/she has an alternate personality.

If the behavior described in this article matches to a high degree your relationship, it's not your fault. You have connected with a bipolar personality. I'm not writing about how to treat bi-polar personality, but more so as a warning on what to expect from a bi-polar personality. There is no basic stress technique to use for bi-polar personality. Often times any progress that may be made to build or improve self worth of the person who is bi-polar or apply any of the various stress techniques is clouded by irrationality and temper tantrums. You'll need a therapist who is effective with bipolar personality which most often entails dealing with post traumatic stress disorder and supporting them into AA or Adult Children of Alcoholics for most often you'll find some kind of substance abuse in your partner's family.

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