Unload Unpleasantness From Your Mindů

By: shirishg2000


There are people who keep their irritations, worries, upsets and fights close to their chest. They suffer or run the risk of a nervous breakdown. A friend, who, in his own words, could not tolerate his wife's nagging, kept storing it in his mind till, one day, the dam burst and led to a nervous breakdown.

Similarly, a husband must realise that just as a leopard cannot change its spots, his wife cannot change her nature. The only sensible solution for him is to cultivate a hard outer crust, which prevents her barbs penetrating his sensitive mind. He must not load his mind with unpleasant debris.

Only then will unbearable conditions become bearable. It will become easy to get along with her. He will become more "charitable." This will help the relationship. There are other advantages too. Health will improve. And physical and mental systems will function more smoothly.

POSTPONING HAPPINESS

People go through life suffering the pangs of the inner, unpleasant environment. They go on postponing their happiness. It is like saying to your self, "When I get a rich husband", or "When I get a son, I will be happy". Why live in the future and keep yearning?

Download emotional darkness. Don't wait for future conditions. Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be! Why not make up your own mind and emerge from the grim shadows of life? Nothing prevents you from doing it. You are the one to make the choice.

If you love misery, it will cling to you. If you love mirth, it will act like a medicine. It is simply a matter of exploring an alternative emotional channel; or unclogging the clogged one. Watch this for yourself, especially when some ugly, irritating situation has arisen at home. It annoys you as well as the other family members. This is the time to use restraint and caution.

There is danger here, as your irritations will project onto others. In such a situation, it is better to "earth" it. That's the best way to download it. One good way is to hold back. Ask yourself, "What's this mess about? Does it deserve the importance I am giving it?"

A sense of humour is another way out. One husband says that the nagging of his wife seldom hurts him. The reason; "Most of the time, she thinks I am listening." Humour apart, he has a point. This may be called disciplining your mind, focusing only on what matters to you while ignoring the distractions.

A number of men (and working women) similarly carry home-worries and anxieties to their office, and tensions of the office, home. They carry domestic burdens to the office, also. In short, they have not cultivated the technique of dumping emotional garbage.

There is a way out. Sit down quietly by yourself and think: "What am I worried about? What really is involved? Am I to blame? Is it pastrelated? Should I react or keep silent?" Imagine you are counselling someone else. Get to the bottom of it. Throwaway the residue. The process of elimination is of great help.

Reduce the dark, emotional content. When a problem overwhelms you, you become emotionally over-charged. This generates anxiety. It is not only the actual thing, but also the shock of it that affects you and upsets your emotional rhythm. Your husband throws a lavish party. It is not the money spent that shocks you; it is his lack of responsibility.

In such situations, it is not easy to be rational. But you can help yourself by being quick to recognise the powerful influence it is having on you and is likely to have on your future married and family life.

A SIEVE

Cultivate the habit of making your mind like a sieve. Say to yourself, "It will make things worse if I let it go unchecked." In this way, you apply brakes. The momentum of misery is broken. Nobody can totally eliminate unpleasantness from life. But everyone can control it or mitigate it. That much you owe yourself.

There is no dearth of women who disrupt their leisure and relaxation with sad thoughts. They feel guilty if they do not nurture the bad feelings of the previous day. They think it is their duty to be miserable! A woman I know clings to everything that has dealt a deadly blow to her. Loss of health of her husband has become the focus of her life.

The problem is that she makes no efforts to jump over the fence of frustration. She wallows in self-pity. Because of it, she is shunned.

An unpleasant life is made of unpleasant thoughts. If you aim at being pleasant for one day, you can do it. Imagine yourself going through the day with a singing heart, tackling difficulties, overcoming obstacles, and see the smile decorating your face.

Human nature is such that you cannot scowl, sob and smile at the same time. Smile and you cannot scowl or sob. You may have nothing to make you burst into hearty laughter; but remember, a smile is a whispered version of laughter!

Unpleasantness is best buried. Life renews itself every day. So, should you not be shedding the stale and the stagnant? Unhappy love relations and broken affairs afflict the lives of many young girls. It is better to analyse them instead of brooding over them. Whatever the kind of disaster into which the young girl pours her emotions, that becomes her secret, sentimental goal.

Norah, a love-afflicted girl, is in an emotional vacuum. She is in an inflated "sacrifice" syndrome. Her unconscious mind rotates between heartbreak, despair and depression. Instead of dwelling on these, she should make every effort to keep her mind free of unhealthy thoughts; to flush out negative regrets, vindictive vignettes, and disappointments.

She should replace them with their bright counterpoints. Optimism is more enjoyable than pessimism; just as health is pleasurable and disease is not. Whenever you can rectify and remedy a bad situation, do so and press on in life. Where nothing can be done for the present, forget it and go on. In some circumstances, no action is good action!

Lots of struggling young men and women fail in their chase for a career. They beat their breasts and lament. Maybe, one more effort would see them successful. Bury the dead past. Make another effort and see them bloom.

Mistakes are natural but useful. They make us eliminate our flaws and faults, and prepare us for a better future. One who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything else too! He who is down need not fear a further fall. Self-downing is fruitless as it atrophies the mind.

It adds nothing to achievement. Nor does it erase failure. It only adds to despair and despondency. One way to get out of the groove is to undertake some action promptly. Go out. Walk. Switch from self-condemnation to self-commendation.

Sometimes, the incident is grave and has far-reaching consequences. But then it is done. You cannot undo it. Self-recrimination cannot bring back the past. Nor can the present be wished away. The future cannot be unfolded before its time. All you can do is to live in the present. You have no other choice except positive, constructive action.

Wrongs and humiliations inflicted upon us by friends and relatives rankle the most. This happens most in a marriage. The way to forgetting gets easy if you ask yourself: who did it? If the person drips acid from his or her tongue, he or she cannot help it. Nature has given a sting to a scorpion.

Convert it into a trifle with your cool, calculated indifference. If you overreact, you walk into his trap. He or she will return it manifold and enjoy your misery. It is no use losing your sleep or peace of mind over the utterances of a person who feeds on stinking imaginary bits of another's character. You will be none the worse for turning a deaf ear.

Resentment is not thinking; it is playing a scene of a video film again and again. It causes unhappiness if you refuse to let it go.

SENSE OF HUMOUR

Often, the aspects of an ugly situation are replayed in the imagination. You repeat the words of an adversary, as also your own retort. You imagine more stinging retorts and redeliver them on rethinking! The mortification of misery can be avoided by cancelling the original remark, that sparked off the ill feeling.

If you have a sense of humour, you develop a sense of proposition too. When husband and wife can see the funny side of a situation, they do not remain morbid for long. There is nothing like a good laugh - to dispel the odour of unpleasantness.

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