Toxic Relationships: How to Tell If You're in One

By: Jamie London


How often does your girlfriend or boyfriend put you down to make themselves look cool?

Do they put you down in front of other people?

Sure your boyfriend or girlfriend says they love you - but do they act like it?

Are they always checking up on you, acting like they don't trust you?

Have you tried to change just to make them happy, because they always tell you what's wrong with you?

These are all signs that you may be in a toxic relationship. Why do experts call it "toxic?" Because just like tainted food - which is toxic - this kind of relationship can literally make you unwell, emotionally and even physically.

If you do think you may be in a toxic relationship, you may be asking yourself what happened to make it this way. I mean, nobody would intentionally want to be with someone who harmed them, right?

In fact, toxic relationships develop over time. They usually begin great! You are both delighted and possibly very attracted to each other. Then there's some sort of clash or fight, after which you get back together. Everything seems fantastic again... until the cycle replays itself, over and over again.

You can't possibly see this when you first meet someone new. They seem great, you're happy and feeling like you're falling in love. But as time goes by, and things get more and more difficult, it gets more challenging to leave.

If you tend to get into toxic relationships, don't treat yourself too severely. It may not be entirely your fault. In some cases, people get into these types of relationships because they grew up in toxic homes. Psychologists will tell you that we all tend to experience again the experiences of our childhood. So if that's you, you may not even know why this is happening.

There are other reasons, of course - poor self-respect, a desire to care for needy people, a sense of guilt that makes you stay rather than hurt someone else's feelings.

But the important issues isn't WHY you're in a toxic relationship; it's how to get out of it.

The first step is to be aware that you don't have to stay. You have an option. You can stay or leave, it's up to you. Once you can really feel that way (and it might take time), you have to start taking better care of yourself. If your partner is verbally abusive or blames you for everything, stand up to them. You may be very surprised at their reaction when you stop taking their bad treatment.

Of course, if you simply can't manage to get yourself out of a toxic relationship, you might want to consider therapy. If the reasons are really deep-seated, it could be you need a little help to rebuild your self-esteem and break free.

Don't worry. People are able to get out of toxic relationships all the time, and to move on to much healthier, happier relationships.

And believe it or not, some couples are actually able to restore their relationship and make it work. That's right. In fact, if both partners are willing to put in the effort, to take the time and treat each other with respect and consideration, most relationships can be saved.

If you just can't get what you need, your partner needs to understand that you're prepared to leave. If you both want to make it work, make an promise and start rebuilding your relationship in a healthier way.

But always remember - it's up to you.

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When it comes to relationships, Jamie London has seen it all - great ones, lousy ones, healthy ones, dysfunctional ones, a heartbreaking divorce... and eventually discovering real, lasting love through online dating. Now Jamie is dedicated to helping others. Read Jamie's unbiased, fact-based guide to the best relationship products on the Internet at www.RelationshipProductGuide.com.

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