Why do we shy away from facing reality? Why do we mask the truth with a lie? Come to think of it, all of us as humans love to live in our own comfort zones. It is an in-born desire. Life, in its basic form hardly offers much comfort, both physical as well as mental. We are compelled to identify it ourselves and if we are unable to do that, we create them. After all, there is no better alternative in life than to “feel good”.
So what is it that the first few weeks or months in a dating scenario that makes it so rollicking and tempestuous? Mull over this: firstly you find someone, find whether the chemistry is right, and if it is so, pursue it with positive energy. Now there is a lot of art, but hardly any science in pursuing, as even Shakespeare commented: the “love of pursuit”. This involves interplay of a few of the most basic human emotions and mental processes. This is an area, where Dating Gurus would like to believe that they know what’s happening.
But if you are on the look out for a “How-To” book in the market, there are hardly any, which talks about or addresses the issue of actually finding a date. Most dwell on the management of a relationship, much after the couple has crossed the initial stages of difficult and uncomfortable wooing. Memories of the struggle which both had gone through in the initial stages, make most couples stick together even in later months.
One of the most important factors in the early days of romancing (consider the first 60 days) that carry the couple through is, what I call, the “Novelty Syndrome”. Much like when we got a new toy in our childhood. The sheer excitement of getting to know someone, open up fresh vistas in your mind and makes you go blind and start believing in a few white lies. You are hardly in a mood to confront the warning signals as they gradually appear, but if you do, you can avoid the numerous pitfalls which may lie ahead.
It is important to remember one important thing about human nature. Nothing “new” holds its “newness” after a while. A new car, a new house, a new bike eventually lose out on its “new” appeal. Even in a relationship, why does it have to wither out? What happened to that spark? It happens mainly, because you “knew” her almost fully and started to take her for granted. The secret behind any successful relationship that lasts, has a lot to do with investment and re-investment of time, love, care and trust. The saying, you reap what you sow, holds very true in a human relationship.
You will agree with me that the first ten dates, are perhaps the trickiest, despite the initial euphoria of knowing someone new. This section can, to my mind, be analyzed using science, rather than art. If you care to break this period step by step and focus on each step, you are less likely to fall into the “better than nothing” trap. Obviously you will learn through your numerous mistakes, but I am going to take you through a logical, scientific process, which aims to make you learn faster so that you emerge with your sanity and prestige intact.
If you have seen “Sex and the City”, has it ever occurred to you, what makes it so successful? Undoubtedly, it is entertaining and perceptive, but the truth of the matter is that it is so REAL. It emphasizes, more than anything else, how unstable and shaky the entire contemporary dating scene is! And, to top it, hardly understood! Thus, it is time to remove all that shining veneer and bring you face to face with REALITY.
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Joshua Goh is dating & relationship expert. For more information on up-to-date dating reviews and practical online dating tips & tricks, please visit Cupidwave.com
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