I have decided to bring upfront this important aspect of the dating scenario – multiple choices of women that lie ahead of all of us. This should be one of your primary priority area of consideration – because it is under your control if you so decide.
There happens to be existing a bit of dichotomy in this dating game – mostly created by women themselves. For your understanding, I want to break the existing myth – women do not like men dating more than one man. Did I hear someone say - Monogamous?
So many times I have heard some one say something on similar lines:
- This one’s made just for me.
- I knew she should be just right for me
- I know my soul mate, when I see one
- God, help me, I don’t want to lose her
The lists of such exclamations are endless. A man meets a woman, finds her extremely beautiful and desirable, and then goes and spoils it all by idolizing her. He instantly puts her on a pedestal and from then on his entire world revolves around her.
What a waste, what a mistake!
This kind of infatuation and fixation is a sure no-no for women. It kills any sense of excitement and thrill expected to exist in a budding relationship. Let me take you through a discussion, where I analyze WHY you should keep on seeing other women, even if you have your eyes fixed on one.
1. Attitude and confidence – Open other windows
When you are “fixed” or “stuck” with only one woman, you immediately shut out any buffer zone – or the comfort zone, which all of us need, in case something goes seriously wrong. In case she gets you out of her life – you spend the next few miserable months, or even years, thinking what is it that you said wrong, did wrong or hurt her unintentionally. Remember that song of the Beatles – Yesterday? You keep on longing for that single Yesterday.
Since you have pinned all your hopes, aspirations and dreams on one solitary woman, you have lost all your sense of balance and proportion. Our inherent “fear of loss” arises out of the belief that there are “no options” anymore. This is it. The moment you realize – O my God, so many women, so little time, your spirit automatically lifts up sky high. As a natural consequence, you will relax, learn to be calm and collected in your deportment. You no longer fear any one, now, isn’t that a wonderful feeling?
2. Perspective and comparison – Compare, Contrast, Consider
If you start believing that the single woman who you have selected is the end all and be all of life, how are you going to assess her unless you know some other women too? You need to draw some kind of standard parameter guidelines, by which you can weigh the attraction level and find rationality for your feelings. If you have nothing else to compare her with, how will you ever know the millions of alternative behavioral norms that even exist?
3. Perceived value – Women’ envy, Owners’ pride!
Women go for the Jones’s. Whatever the neighbor (in this case read it as other women) has, I must have it too. Right from jewellery, clothes, perfume to men! A man who is popular, talked about, seen everywhere and goes around with another woman, well, what is he like, is there any chance for me? Make a beeline for him! Join the race. A man who is WANTED. Who you see at the pub is ordinary, within reach. The “unconquered” triggers the killer instinct.
4. The Obsessive Self-destruct – Killing You Softly
Any sort of compulsion results in hasty, unrealistic and destructive decisions. The moment the world of choices open up, you automatically cease to show any compulsive behavior. The essence of this message is that you see and date as many women as there are available, till you meet the most promising one and it should be YOU who take the final call and NOT the woman!
5. Don’t let her feel “tied” down too early
Women hate to be treated exclusively right from the word go. Even if your intention is a temporary liaison, she gets a wrong signal. She immediately concludes that you are intent on a serious monogamous relationship. Now her pace and sense of rhythm does not allow this. The whole episode then becomes full of disharmony.
So the take home is message is this: Keep your options open. Keep all windows open. Date as many women as you like, more so, if you have located the woman of your dreams. Do not over-indulge or spoil everything by idolizing her. To keep her interests alive, see other women. It pays, both in the short and long run.
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Joshua Goh is dating & relationship expert. For more information on up-to-date dating reviews and practical online dating tips & tricks, please visit Cupidwave.com
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