Super Daters are patient daters. They know what they are searching for in a permanent relationship. And they date with that in mind. They know it will take many dates with the same person to be sure that a permanent relationship will work.
If your date is pressuring you into a more serious relationship than you are ready for, don’t give in. If you are not ready for the next step, state it clearly. Super Daters don’t lead their dates to believe they are about to make a commitment when they have no intention of doing so. They know it is harder to get out of a live-together relationship without hard feelings than it is if you are just casual dating.
Live-together relationships entail responsibilities you may not be ready for. Are you sharing expenses? Is this a closed relationship? No more dating anyone else. Do you expect to know where the other one is at all times? If friends of your live-in drop by are you welcome to join in the conversation, or are
you expected to “disappear” to give them privacy? Does your live-in expect to be invited to your family gatherings? Do you expect the same from his/her family? Have you worked out the housekeeping chores, the cooking? The shopping? If everything points to a “Go” why are you choosing a relationship instead of marriage when the responsibilities are the same?’
If you choose to move in together, is the main reason financial? Financial problems are at the top of the list of problems married couples have (including relationships). Living together will not make financial problems disappear. There will be added problems like do we share bank accounts? Who pays for what? What if one of you buys something the other doesn’t approve of?
Do he/she share your goals? And vice versa. If the answer is no, you will probably never attain them. If your goals require time that your live-in wants you to spend with him/her your goals with be low on the priority scale. This can affect the rest of your life.
Do you laugh at the same things? If you do not share the same sense of humor, you will be missing an important ingredient for a satisfying relationship. Humor gets people through tough times and keeps many couples from the divorce court.
Do you have lots of common interests? If not, you may run out of things to talk about. If so, why would you even consider moving in together?
This is the time when you should analyze your situation and admit that maybe you went too fast at the beginning. Super Daters know that getting out of a serious relationship is definitely harder than getting into it. And if they have doubts, it is far better for everyone not to commit at this time. There is always tomorrow.
Super Daters do not compromise in important matters like finding the right match. They know it takes dating often and in different situations to completely understand each other. They know not to rush into serious commitments until they are sure their choices are the right. They know that time is their friend, and they use it wisely
Copyright 2006 Robert T. Lewis
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Robert T. Lewis, Ph.D.
Psychologist and Author of:
How Any Male Can Be A Super Dater
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