Should Your Family Be a Part Of, Or Apart From, Planning Your Wedding?

By: T. koch

As a wedding planner I have a lot of experience dealing with the families of the bride and groom. The most likely to be involved are the mother of the bride (M.O.B.) and the sister of the bride. At Aloha Ever After we are more than happy to speak with and include other family members in the decision-making process. Often there is a parent who is paying for some or all of the wedding in Hawaii and wants to know that their money is safe and in good hands. Sometimes someone wants to be intricately involved and receive a copy of most emails. Either way is fine with us - we are here to serve you in whatever way makes the whole Hawaii destination wedding most enjoyable and easeful for you!

We at Aloha Ever After say it is completely up to you how much (or how little) your family is involved in the wedding planning process. Now here is the real question: how much do you think they should be involved?

When you think of planning your wedding with your mother, mother-in-law, father etc. … how do you feel? Does your stomach get tense or do you smile? Does your mind start immediately with worries or do you feel like a load is being taken off your shoulders? The answer lies in your response to such questions as these.

There are many families who are not involved at all with our Kauai weddings. Sometimes they are not even present for the wedding; other times part of the family is able to make it out to help the couple celebrate. (Lucky for them it’s such a gorgeous event … after all, how much more beautiful can you get for a location than a Kauai beach wedding?) Sometimes the family is only the lucky recipient of some beautiful Hawaii wedding photography because they had to stay at home for one reason or another. As you can see, there is a huge variance of involvement by families.

If you have a good relationship with someone in your family it can be a great benefit to planning your Kauai wedding, or a wedding anywhere for that matter. Since you will not be at home it can be useful to have someone be your helper. In our opinon enjoying your wedding and enjoying planning your wedding are of the utmost importance. One of the most important ways to help create this ease is to delegate! (Delegate, delegate, and then delegate a little more!)

You will find that most people are so happy that you are getting married, happy that you’re in love, happy to be included, happy that you’re getting married on a beautiful tropical island etc., that they would love to help out! So send them to pick up your dress at the cleaners. Ask them (or us) to research the closest dry cleaners to your hotel. Give them the list of important tasks to be done the 48 hours before your wedding. Here is a brief list of things that should be delegated to someone other than the bride and groom:
- Cleaning of anything (gowns, shoes, vacation rental, etc.)
- Buying gifts for guests, family etc.
- Putting someone in charge of which photos you want taken after the ceremony. Have them stand next to the photographer and call out the names of the family groupings you’d like to have a picture of before the photographer is ready for them.
- Any computer research. Stick someone else on the computer and go take a walk with your fiancée.
- Finding anything you are looking for on the island (e.g. restaurants, activities, directions). Why not send someone else to the concierge desk or to an activity booth? They’ll have fun and sort out what you need to know and what you don’t.
- Checking last minute details. Give someone a list of numbers, names and instructions. Then relax and let go. Your day will be perfect whether or not it is micro managed by you. Go get a massage.

Remember, this is supposed to be one of the best days of your life. If you’re a stress case and practically fainting from lack of eating and fatigue … will you look back on the day and feel it was everything it could have been? Look after yourself by delegating, and use the stomach test to help decide how much your family should be part of, or apart from, your wedding planning.

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