Men’s Vulnerability & Unguarded Forte – Is it Wise to Disclose during a Date?

By: Joshua Goh

One point which women always put on top of their Wish List is the desire for a man who is expressive to the point of being vulnerable. Take this with some pinch of salt. Where men go wrong is that by trying to be honest in a relationship, they over tell. In the name of being true and frank, they disclose so much that they eventually lose their bearing and composure. Good to take risks but wiser to take calculated risks.

In the initial stages, tell, only as much is required to make you appear appealing to her. If you decide to divulge how you smashed the cockroach with your bare hands, when you were all of eight and how till today you are carrying the eternal guilt, sorry you land nowhere. Probably she surmises that you are an infant merciless insect hater.

Her rational mind considers you as an honest person, but it is the irrational side of her mind (feelings, we call it) which ultimately rules her opinion about being attracted to you and having you as a prospective sexual mate. Remember, you have plenty of time to go through very many similar childhood phobia and bad memories, but for now, keep away from too many negative stories.

Very important lesson in life is “not saying the truth is also not saying a lie”. Never divulge too much. Keep your confessional diahorrea for the priest’s chamber.

Taking risks is part of our daily existence. But we take calculated risks. Otherwise, you would not have crossed the road to make it to read this article! Similarly, at every step you are taking some risk or the other.

You ask her out on a date, you take a risk. She agrees, she is taking a risk. You order for asparagus, you are taking a risk. She eats it, she is taking a risk. You ask for a goodbye kiss, you are taking a risk. She obliges, she is taking a risk. Both of you are taking equal proportions of risks. It’s just going to and fro.

In case you see her refraining from taking those risks. You don’t stop. You must move on. Risks must be shared by both. Because that is the foundation of trust – a quintessential ingredient in building a relationship. Without any risk, progression is impossible and then you are dealing with another human being without an iota of trust.

What are the three cornerstones from which risk draws its strength? Self-confidence, Self-discipline and an impeccable sense of good humor.

The moment you overcome any fear of loss and become self-confident, you can take any risk and can excel in any situation. In a risk-infested investment scenario, when you do not see any good returns, you have the wisdom, acumen and mental discipline to withdraw for a greener pasture. And through the journey of life (as well as dating!) you never take life too seriously. Even when you beat a retreat, your wise and disciplined heart knows, tomorrow can always be a better tomorrow.

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Joshua Goh is dating & relationship expert. For more information on up-to-date dating reviews and practical online dating tips & tricks, please visit

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