One of the most recurring mental blocks men face before they date is their eagerness to plunge into a deep, stable and unbreakable relationship. We must realize that men and women think, act and decide differently. Women thoroughly relish the long swelling waves of romancing that go up and down in their minds. They feel completely absorbed, engulfed and rejuvenated while going through the rigmarole of emotional upheavals. On the contrary, men like less drama, less of emotional splurge and more of stability, sailing in tranquility of a rock-steady relationship.
What is the result of this mismatch of perspectives? You rush in and latch on to the woman of your life – as if there is no tomorrow – and the woman is viewing it totally differently. She visualizes pain before pleasure. Spends time thinking of what holds in future, thereby neglecting how she can hold on to the present. Exclusivity, monogamy – women yearn for that – but all at the pace which she sets. The course and speed of the game is decided by her.
It is therefore important to appreciate that both men and women respond to different emotional clocks when it comes to developing a relationship; the sense of timing is mutually exclusive. The Big Trap is just this. You are in a hurry to grab, and eventually fall out of the race – for no fault of yours. Happening mostly to men who are a “One Woman Man” and who date infrequently, women also are frequent victims of the Big Trap, for they also wish to become a “One Man Woman” and are monogamous by nature. Yet men who are cool about meeting and dating many women – which I sincerely plead you to follow – hardly fall into the Big Trap.
Your earnest desire is to bring an end to this tempestuous “affair” associated with dating and stabilize the relationship – none of the wildness of dating makes you happy – you want to go steady with a single woman. Reasons are aplenty for such behavior from men – seeking immediate but temporary monogamy. Definitely, a faulty understanding of women and wrong assumptions of their minds and beliefs is surely one of the main ones.
One more reason why men want to move fast is their restlessness to delve into the “unknown”. They hate to be kept in the dark for too long. The eternal question: will she agree to sex, won’t she agree to sex, bores and irritates the man. And with every passing day, the curiosity increases. If only such men knew the pleasures of a single man, without any holdings, free of emotional baggage – they would never get so stagnated and close all doors to glorious opportunities, that lie hidden.
So what happens when you are a victim of The Big Trap? You need to have a steady and stable relationship, as discussed above. As you carry on meeting women, your adrenalin rises to a peak, you get emotionally charged, yet with the lack of proper knowledge or understanding of the woman’s nature and expectations, you fall flat. You gradually start to lose ground. That affects your own sense of pride, self esteem. You start thinking romancing is a self-defeating exercise.
This is where a vicious cycle sets in. The more you lose out on women, the more you start hating not only yourself, but women too. The Loser Boy visits you often in your thoughts and dreams. It becomes impossible for you to improve upon your attitudes and behavior because remember: failure breeds failure, exactly the way success does. The miserable feeling amongst single men, is inevitable.
Or, perhaps you might date for a little while, find someone who doesn’t quite enthrall you, but you settle for the “second best” so to speak. Over a period of time, you start to realize, much to your disappointment, that you have settled for mediocrity – neither did you want this kind of woman, nor did you deserve her type. She, in turn gets more and more possessive – because she is also perhaps going through the same emotional drill as you are – settling for the “second best”. Physically may be together, but mentally, you are far, far apart.
This kind of negativity overwhelms you and since the very nature of such emotional upheavals is cyclical, it gets repeated over and over again. By now you would have already developed a fixed mindset: “Want to Get out of this soonest” – this very attitude destroys you further. The more you hate the concept of dating and meeting women, you are trying to evade the very process designed to improve your expertise in the area and bring about mental stability. It is time you thought like: “So many women, so little time”, as the wider and broader you make your choices, the more your chances of meeting many, many women.
Unless you broaden your horizon about women and dating, falling into the Big Trap will remain inevitable. Make women an “add on” to your otherwise glorious life, rather than the “end all and be all” of it. Don’t make her the reason for your existence – rather a small part of your existence. To ingratiate yourself with this kind of mental outlook is first, gather information (get empowered with knowledge), second, take the right decisions (act on the knowledge) and third, bask in the glory of your well-deserved success. Change the way you thought and acted till now, and be the man of your dreams, the man you always wanted to be.
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Joshua Goh is dating & relationship expert. For more information on up-to-date dating reviews and practical online dating tips & tricks, please visit Cupidwave.com
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