Love. The airwaves and the press seems to be awash with it. But if it seems that hearts and flowers are only happening for other people, here’s are some of the fastest things you can do to put more of it into your life right away.
1. Give yourself some love
Now you may be thinking, “Yeah, yeah.. “Love yourself”. Huh. That’s what everyone says. But talk’s cheap…all these gurus are probably happily settled with partners.” But stay with me on this, because as a former unhappy singleton turned happily-married person, I know that this works.
The trick is in how you learn to “love yourself”. All too often, the self-help manuals make it seem like a mystical and far-fetched process. As an alternative just ask yourself this question,
“If someone else truly loved me, how would they treat me?”
Then, give yourself a generous dose of that same treatment. For example, if you feel that they would, “Cook me delicious dinners” do that for yourself. If they would, “take care of me”, work out how that “taking care” would work best for you and do that, whether it means an adventurous jaunt to Rome or just getting someone else to help you with chores.
Loving yourself may well also mean taking up an interest or activity that’s always fascinated you. Do it now-there’s no need to wait for your ”perfect partner”, because if you love an activity, you’ll be fascinated, and fascinated people tend to be fascinating to others, too.
The benefit of doing all this “self-love” also completely practical. It helps you to feel good, which will attract more people to you anyway. Additionally, when you do find yourself in that great relationship, you’ll know that you deserve to be treated well, and revel in that treatment when you receive it from others, instead of unwittingly pushing it away.
2. Experience Your Perfect Partnership
Yes, I know. You might be reading his and thinking, “Trust me, I dream about Mr/Ms Right everyday, and they haven’t showed up yet!”
The problem is that when people dream in this way about a potential partner it tends to be with an inner sense of, “This is what I’m hoping for but I’m pretty certain it won’t really happen…It’s just a nice fantasy.”
What I’m suggesting is that you use the power of your imagination to experience with all your senses, exactly as if it’s happening to you, what it’s like to be with your perfect partner.
What’s great about this is that what you’re really going for here is the inner feeling of that partnership experience, which is guaranteed to be utterly different to those hopeful fantasies. So it’s also something that you can do easily, even if you’re one of those people who feels that they “can’t visualise.” The only rule is that you determine to experience what the sensation of great partnership is really like, with no ifs, buts or doubts about the possibility of it.
Once you get in touch with the feeling practising it a soften a you want will become a cherished activity. And as a mentally pre-rehearsed state can be 90% as effective as the real thing, you’ll also be putting yourself in the very best state for attracting your real partner.
3. Show Love to Others
Too often, people tend to say, “But I can’t show any love…no-one loves me” Granted, you might want to reserve “romantic” love for that special someone. But singleton or no, there’s nothing stopping you or anyone else from cultivating a loving attitude towards others, and putting it into practice.
There are probably a many different ways to do this as there are people. But a technique that works for many is to carry out two simple steps with everyone you meet or have contact with in the course of a day:
i) Smile at them and assume that they’re a great person.
ii) Actively search for something within them that you really love. Eg. even if the stranger next to you seems not to have washed for longer than is good for them, they may have a really kind smile. Or maybe someone in your family normally drives you crazy…but care about your well-being too.
iii) Acknowledge what it is that you’ve found in the person, even if just to yourself. If you can, find a way to connect with the other person too, even if only by a kind gesture or compliment.
At the very least, you’ll make yourself and others feel wonderful. It’ll also help you to see past appearances, which may be crucial if your perfect partner is in fact hiding within the kind of package you’ve ignored up to now. Many people now happily settled with significant others admit that “He/she wasn’t my usual “type” at all”.
What is certain is that if you carry out these simple steps on a regular basis, you’ll begin to feel so contented that finding the perfect person matters a lot less. And the irresistible confidence and happiness of that state is very likely to be just the thing to bring Mr/Ms right into your life.
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Clare Walker is a personal development specialist, and author of “Be the Life and Soul of the Party”. If you want to bring out more of the “ real you” when you’re with other people, visit
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