When I was undertaking the research for this article, I was fortunate to have an experience that further enhanced my belief that there are people out in the world who are just straight out crazy. If you read most of the gurus books, like the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie, they will tell you that there are seven key things you need to do to have an effective relationship, but sometimes, they just don't work.
Over the last ten years I have been providing training courses on self-esteem and assertiveness training and a common theme people want to know is how do you deal with people who's reactions just simply do not much the conversation or the course of interaction that is occurring. The simple answer is there is really nothing you can do.
In the last 24 hours I have been dealing with some family tension and the really sad thing is that regardless of what I had said or done the outcome was always negative on their behalf. Even when a hand of friendship was extended, the outcome was a blatant attack. The reality is that you can only ever control YOU!
This is one of the hardest challenges that we have to come to grips with when it comes to self-esteem. Most people believe that if you put a positive face-on, that things will always have a positive outcome. Whilst in the majority of cases this is true, there will always be situations where the outcome is negative.
You have to remember in relationships that each person must take a 50% stake of responsibility for their part of the relationship. All you can ever do is work on your 50% of the relationship and if you do that well at least you know that your 50% was well managed.
There are some key strategies that you can use to help you deal with a difficult situation in which a person's reaction is not making sense:
1. Always use positive language
2. Never attack the other person with what they have said
3. Ensure that you use clear concise language
4. Listen more than you speak
5. Walk away
I know with the challenges that I have been faced over the last 24 to 48 hours, my own personal self-esteem has taken a battering because through self-reflection you constantly look at what you have said or written and you look and go, where did I go wrong. I am fortunate to have an awesome team who have sat with me and every person has come to the same conclusion. This person simply has a mental defect (whether temporary or permanent) and in the end you have to accept and know that you did the right thing.
The most important lesson I can offer you is to trust in your own positive view on life and that you have tried to offer the best 50% of the relationship that you can. Finally I would recommend that you write down your experiences in a journal so that in time you can reflect in a positive light in what you have learnt from this experience.
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Chris Le Roy is the Managing Director of the One-on-One Professional Business Training Centre. Our company provides a range of courses that will help you to learnhow to build self confidence and to help you develop your assertiveness goals, career and more. Our company also provides first aid courses to help ensure you have that qualification when you apply for your next job.
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