Classical Soap

By: Sean Glynn


How different might have been the Scottish Play if Lady Macbeth had said, "Is this a soap dispenser I see before me...The dispenser towards my hand?" Had she had a soap dispenser to hand rather than a dagger, the whole play could have had a better fragrance.

And when the foul murder had taken place and blood was all around, had she been able to have a soap dispenser close by, she might have been able to wash out the stains with just one push of the soap dispenser to dispense a measured portion of liquid soap to" sweeten her little hand". Instead, she found that "all the perfumes of Arabia" could not do what liquid soap dispensers can do with just one push.

Most successful soap dispensers dispense quality liquids with mild and balanced ingredients and will dispense as much or as little as you need. Lady Macbeth may have needed to use a whole dispenser full of soap in one go to begin to wash away her guilt but that would cause no problem as the refills are easily inserted into the dispenser and she could easily have readily used several without pausing for breath.

The Ancient Mariner in his Rime could have revived himself with a good wash using soap and dispensers instead of begging for sleep. Had he said, "Ah soap (not sleep) it is a gentle thing beloved from Pole to Pole", he could have made the whole poem considerably shorter, and, to boot, considerably refreshed. Being at sea with no company other than an albatross, he was amply surrounded by water and by using soap from a dispenser he could have improved considerably on "his long gray beard". His "glittering eye" would not have been troubled by getting soap in it, as soap in dispensers is carefully pH balanced to avoid irritation.

Hamlet, when considering "to be or not to be", could well be contemplating being clean. As a Prince of Denmark, he needed to appeal to Ophelia and by using a quality liquid soap, both mild and balanced, could have avoided much death and nastiness. Poloniusís advice to Laertes was probably underpinned by a desire to be clean and sweet-smelling...."This above all, to thine own self be true". Using soap, whether or not in a dispenser, could be good advice from any one man to another. Starting the day with a bath or shower, using soap from a dispenser could be just the way to solve many of our literary crises.

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By Sean Glynn (soap | soaps) Self appointed expert on soap.

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