Myth #1: Online dating is dangerous.
Do you still harbor some reservations about online dating?
Admittedly, this myth like the other two is already fading in acceptance. And yet my guess is that they still hold sway over us…
And since these misconceptions have been around since the beginning, I want to do my part and to make sure the following pitfalls don’t befall you!
• Has some unexpressed fear kept you from checking out some pretty interesting guys?
• Has it kept you wondering how to meet men or kept you going to boring, single’s events?
Because the truth is that online dating IS NO MORE DANGEROUS than traditional dating. (Notice, I didn’t say that online dating wasn’t dangerous).
There are some WACKOS out there. But my contention is that you just as easily meet them at a single’s event, the drug store, or your company’s Christmas party.
Sure, meeting someone in person may make you feel more secure—you may get a more thorough sense of them, and then again you may not.
Use Your Intuition
If you’re very intuitive, you can know in a short time if you can trust someone with your phone number or your address.
Of course, if you’re skittish or unsure be sure to:
1. Guard your anonymity until you can get a reading that you’re pretty happy with
2. Talk on the phone before you meet
3. Meet in a neutral place
4. DON’T IGNORE THAT LITTLE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD IF you feel uneasy!
It is a difficult job to distinguish between an emotional response and an intuitive response. So if you’re unsure, GET FEEDBACK FROM A THIRD PARTY.
Remember, when you’re attached to the outcome, it’s hard to think clearly.
And if you’re flying by your emotions and not your intuition, (remember Looking for Mr. Goodbar?) you might miss important signals.
But I contend, that you can read someone’s profile and chat with them online and offline, and know just about as much as if you had met them in person
I say just about as much because there are some vibes you can more easily pick up in person. There are a few people out there who are very opaque. What I mean by that is that they keep much of how they feel and who they are hidden. Hidden to others, and sometimes even hidden to ourselves. Remember, when serial killers are found and they’re often described as “quiet”? Their lust for power and control, and hatred for women is kept pretty well hidden. If they were transparent in their homicidal hatred they would be very, very, scary.
Now, obviously, you don’t have to be evil to be opaque.
I’m sure there are many “quiet” opaque types who are perfectly good people.
This society teaches men especially to keep their hopes and desires under check. So while I may value transparency for myself and others, which does not necessarily make it good or better than being opaque. Transparency does make it easier however, to know your prospective mate.
In the short term, chemistry is just about the only thing you absolutely can’t know about someone without meeting them.
Of course, if you’re planning to sign up for the long haul, NOTHING CAN SUBSTITUTE BEING WITH THEM, DAY IN AND DAY OUT. Important stuff takes time to surface.
For example, do you have unexpressed expectations of how your mate should treat you when you are sick? He may be creative, loving, and frugal and still not wait on you when you’re sick.
Myth #2: You have to go through a lot of frogs before you can find a prince.
Do you really believe that there are more frogs in cyber space than there is in the ‘real world’?
Well even if there were, you can easily skim through the writings of these frogs until you find your “prince”.
The beauty of online dating is that you can read as many profiles describing what your potential mate as you need to, UNTIL YOU FIND ONE YOU LIKE.
You can read what any number of prospects wants in a relationship, why they think relationships fail, and what they have to offer.
With a little coaching, you can intuit if this guy is a prince or a frog, a keeper or a lemon (schedule your F*R*EE 20 minute “read a suitor's personality” session by going to the author’s information section in this article and clicking the link there).
Steer Clear of the Superficial Dating Sites!
Of course, some online dating sites are so superficial; you don’t get to know much about the prospect.
I was shocked to discover at least three websites you really only got to know their age (maybe), their weight (maybe), their religious preference, and the fact that they are looking to score!
(Really. I went to this one site and that was one of the questions! There were three choices for what you were looking for, Friendship, Romance, and/or Intimacy. Yikes!)
So choose your site well. I like sites that make the prospect write a fairly hefty bio.
Myth #3: Online dating is only for the desperate.
Okay, fess up.
Isn’t one side of your mouth saying, “sure it’s a great way to meet people”, while the other side is saying” Isn’t it only for losers”?
Well, MORE THAN 40 MILLION AMERICANS browse online dating sites my friend!
Years ago, I remember a friend of mine trying to get me to go to a Great Expectations Halloween party (Great Expectation is an In Person Dating service here in LA). Well, I went, but I was so prejudiced all I could see was desperation.
Without looking anyone in the eye, without talking to them, I let my emotions draw very wrong conclusions. And while maybe a few people were desperate or socially awkward, most of them weren’t. Many people see the advantage of being able to survey a large group in hope of finding someone they resonate with.
Doesn’t that advantage sound tantalizing?
By the way, the friend who dragged me there was not desperate. She saw the advantage, she believed she would find someone likeminded and she did. They got married in Hawaii 12 months later, and they’re still together today!
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Dr. Lauren’s wisdom as coach, speaker, and writer has been featured in REDBOOK, FIRST FOR WOMEN, and FITNESS magazines. To learn more about how Dr. Lauren can help you find a luscious, satisfying relationship, please
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